Incomplete Journeys

11 min readJul 20, 2022

An Overture of Pain

Up and Ready
Alarm is Ringing
What is this feeling?
My eyes are heavy
And I’m all sweaty

Pinch in the neck
Don’t even fret
It’s a constant struggle
Trapped in a prison under cover

The dark behind my lids soothes me in
Bringing with it a sympathetic friend
Creating images of peace with no end
Lulling me into a reality much more preferred

Alarm is ringing
Snooze is bringing
A feather of anxiety
Fluffing at the head rest

Alarm is buzzing
Eyes are still fuzzy
But a burning clock
Sends an adrenaline shock

Sprinting down the steps
Fallin down emotional heads
Until a cold steel knob
Brings a chilling truth about

The dark behind my lids soothes me in
Bringing with it a sympathetic friend
Creating images of peace with no end
Lulling me into a reality much more preferred

Z, Where is my friend?
I need a friend
Reminding me of where it is I’ll be
Teaching little stories
Of different types of feed
One for the mind and
One for the soul and
One for the people washed up on shore

A river collides with my face
Jolting me back in place
Responsibilities befall me
I just need my buddy Z
Until I can justify my buddy bud bud

Put the shirt on
Take the dirt off
Put the key in the ignition
Now we’re setting the day off

They say it’s never an option
You say that’s never not true
But going through all of this
Just to work in a cafe the rest of my life?
Man, suicide is cool

On the Way
Excuse me please
Just one more moment
The lanes ahead are packed
And I can’t focus this second

Most days I zone out to the burn from a distant glare
Journeying across the river into my soul so scared
The road ahead is dark
The road below is gone
I don’t know where we’re at
and I couldn’t dream of it

I often wish to forget
The miles of pastures and
That scent of shit
But countless drinks
Won’t ever hold or rip it

The memories are locked in place
A picture framed in dire states
Of mental strains and foggy fates
No matter how much we talk
My brain feels uncaulked

Leaking the fluid necessary for sanity
Inviting the buzzards and flies
Into a mind that multiplies
The terror we feel inside

Hopes and dreams left rotting
Harvested by the gnats that dream of stopping
Any progress you may be hoping
Can fill in the gaps missing and gaping
Like that hole in your heart
They say you caused yourself

When you left that cross
The light left you, lost
In a dream of costs
Brought to you by a host
of bad decisions and broken hopes

The glare brings you back
As the cafe sign attacks
Eight more hours or a heart attack
Whichever comes first
Your soul will actively flirt

Close your eyes and it all ends
In traffic or just with a friend
One mistake is all it takes
To finally end this heartbreak

They say it’s never an option
You say that’s never not true
But going through all of this
Just to work in a cafe the rest of my life?
Man, suicide is cool

But you know I’m not a fool
I don’t look at these moments as anything
other than a tool

A tool to move on
A tool to rebuild
A tool to function atop
the tragedy of a hill
Built upon pain and fear

At Work
Ice drink, Ice drink
Espresso no fellows
It’s a Tuesday
Half off all you see

Training in de-escelation
Living in over-inflation
Of responsibilities unheard of
In any other work force

A third place for you
not me
A third place for those
unfree
1,2,3 for you to see
1,2, for all I’ll be

Day after day
It all remains the same
Triple, double, a blonde can’t complain
Either way
I’ll see you on another day

Honestly, I can’t complain
Any other place would treat me like a stain
Stepping on your values
As if we’re playing a game of time trials

Eight hour, tenth hour
Overtime wont save your flowers
A toxic river meant to deliver
Sustenance to a place of abundance

Day after day
It all remains the same
Triple, double, a blonde can’t complain
Either way
I’ll see you on another day

It could be better
It’s often much wetter
If you write me in a letter
Don’t send it till december
My calendar only opens up when it’s colder

Advancement opportunities wond be found internally
Unless you seek a deeper personality
Found within the mandaneity
A powerful capability
To perceive that which unwittingly
Takes apart your mental stability
Replaced by a foldable celebrity

The uncomplete me
I no longer feel entirely
It all remains to be seen

Day after day
It all remains the same
Triple, double, a blonde can’t complain
Either way
I’ll see you on another day

They say it’s never an option
You say that’s never not true
But going through all of this
Just to work in a cafe the rest of my life?
Man, suicide is cool

But you know I’m not a fool
I don’t look at these moments as anything
other than a tool

A tool to move on
A tool to rebuild
A tool to function atop
the tragedy of a hill
Built upon pain and fear

Sure, it seems cool
But when have you ever cared about looking cool?

Decades of your life spent in constant strife
For they never like
Someone who won’t take a bite
of their bullshit sammie
With drinks and ciggies
Building a being of constant un-needing

On the Way Home
I am who I am
I won’t let you be spam
For I am what I am
A cogito found in a can

Once again I am here
Presently staring into the glare
Once again I am here
Yet, something still remains unclear

I’ll be there every moment of the day
Waiting until my feet can lead the way
Once again, I’ll be here
Consistently blinded by the glare

Maybe one day you’ll find me there

On the side of the road with a blank stare
Only then will people start to care
Once it leaves my body, coating my hair

Once again I’ll be here
Staring blindly into the glare

They say it’s never an option
You say that’s never not true
But going through all of this
Just to work in a cafe the rest of my life?
Man, suicide is cool

But you know I’m not a fool
I don’t look at these moments as anything
other than a tool

A tool to move on
A tool to rebuild
A tool to function atop
the tragedy of a hill
Built upon pain and fear

Sure, it seems cool
But when have you ever cared about looking cool?

Decades of your life spent in constant strife
For they never like
Someone who won’t take a bite
of their bullshit sammie
With drinks and ciggies
Building a being of constant un-needing

I am who I am
Cogito sum
A cogito of summations
Better than people sucked into the simulation

You are not what you eat
You are not who you beat
You are a combination of fears and pain
You are a culmination of all those days you spent training

Waiting in the Car
The clock strikes nine
Hopefully now is the time
A sentence life
Locked behind the bars of strife

I know you lied to me
But you’re not the only one who’s guilty
I couldn’t take anymore
So, I hid from you some more

Dying inside everyday
Searching for some easy way
To shatter the illusion
Of a luve filled collusion
A drug filled infusion
Of co-dependency and emotional contusion

Here lies the remains of a love
Once held between two beings
Who fought for all they held above

Hold me responsible for the tings I’ve done
Live in an apartment that screams, “You’ve won!”
As I struggle to open the door to consequences won
In that battle of attrition
I ended up sleeping in the kitchen

Dying inside everyday
Searching for some easy way
To destroy the illusion
That she wasn’t wrong in any way
$1,800 a month to call you victor
1,800 views a month to call him “sister”

I’ll spend my days in a familial prision
Learning that you’re married, having learned all your lessons
Facing no consequences
At least we used contraception

I can’t do this anymore
Spending my days with a lying girl
Into the prison I go
Until my debts are paid off in full

Dying inside everyday
I search for some easy way
To grow from my misdeeds
And build upon my needs

No longer with you
No longer for you
All the while
Cogito

They say it’s never an option
You say that’s never not true
But going through all of this
Just to work in a cafe the rest of my life?
Man, suicide is cool

But you know I’m not a fool
I don’t look at these moments as anything
other than a tool

A tool to move on
A tool to rebuild
A tool to function atop
the tragedy of a hill
Built upon pain and fear

Sure, it seems cool
But when have you ever cared about looking cool?

Decades of your life spent in constant strife
For they never like
Someone who won’t take a bite
of their bullshit sammie
With drinks and ciggies
Building a being of constant un-needing

I am who I am
Cogito sum
A cogito of summations
Better than people sucked into the simulation

You are not what you eat
You are not who you beat
You are a combination of fears and pain
You are a culmination of all those days you spent training

Defense on defense on defense
Praying that nobody will take offense
But times have changed and
Lives have range

You wouldn’t stand in the window
Watching as a friend’s death grows near
So, why spend hours just staring into a mirror

Continuously Staring
The choices we make
are all that it takes
To move on from your biggest mistake

Yet, I can’t get it out of my head
This feeling that leaves me locked in bed
A cot in the corner of a living room
an $1,800 55 square foot rent
It’s quite the compliment
To an existence of consequence

Things come and go
Relationships grow and flow
But when your eyes can’t escape
A screen of constant disgrace
Just remember the choices you made
That dealt this consequence with grace

The visuals ahead are often unchanged
An unmoving bed shaped post haste
Images passing by one by one
A motionless body caught in the flood

Information unloading in totality
Cognition unlearning in commonality
The songs you hear remind you of your fears
The films you see bring forth what you hold dear

Things come and go
Relationships grow and flow
But when your eyes can’t escape
A tv screen of constant disgrace
Just remember the choices you made
That dealt this consequence with grace

I love zoning out in the high bliss
Wishing for another moment of familiar kiss
Scenic views passing us b y
As the toxicity levels rise up real high

You spin me around
Disorienting with visual sound
In an attempt to mold me up from the ground
Into an image you hold up proud

That’s not me
Cogito set free
That’s not me
Manipulation streak

Things come and go
Relationships grow and flow
But when your eyes can’t escape
A screen of constant disgrace
Remember the choices you made
That dealt this consequence post haste

Acceptance
Dependence
Cogito en fuego