It’s Never That Easy

The goal was to be happy

Joy and health

Not to sprint past responsibilities

Blinders on with no tints

The goal was to build a future

Three chirps and a pitter patter across our hearts

Not to tear up the wings

In view of our neighbor’s Ring®

The goal was to cut the vice short

Filling lungs with fresh air and chambering rounds for later

Not to spend 40 minutes “preparing” before every venture

Not to spend every night “releasing” the anger from that day

The goal was to do it alone

Strong and braced for impact

Not to scare and flee for the church

Ringing the bells for all to hear

The goal was to fix it today

A workout of wills and compassion

Not to give it up to future us

Unwitting in its weight

The goal was the Hope

The reality is the truth

A presence of stress and fear unignored

A one-sided affair of commitment at no expense

The other side blind to the meaning of every word sent

One side here

One side there

Never fully able to connect

Drifting ever outward in defeat

It wasn’t always this way

We used to join hands

Floating around each other with grace and joy

It wasn’t always scary

We would sleep, arm in arm, unsure of tomorrow

But certain of each other

We may drift for an eternity above the abyss

But we drifted together

It wasn’t always this quiet

We used to sing our tune

As the birds gather

Providing the dressing to our emotional salad

But somewhere down the line

A crack began to form

Beneath the gaps in our feet

Somewhere down the line

I began to look around

Letting go for only a moment

When my eyes found yours once more

I had drifted miles from you

Unable to see the path we once set

I thought I saw you wave at me

But the fog rolled in too quick

Surrounding me in an instant

Thunder smacked at my sides

Smoke filled my lungs

And the ice bellow began to melt

As the fog grew thicker

As the light grew dimmer

As the ice below grew thinner

I started to feel the pull from that great abyss below

Tempting me into its clutches as every moment passed

Yet, I fought that temptation

I balanced on one toe

A ballerina’s finest

Fighting the urge to sink

Further and further I go

Eyes forward, legs stretched

Only briefly looking below

Just as the deep dark glimmered

Just as the unknown caught my eye

Just as I thought I might give up and dive

Land struck first

Sending me face first into a pit of sand

Attempting to swallow me whole

I struggled, squirmed, and fought as hard as I could

Each grasp of sand crumbling in my hands

Feeling as though I could never climb any higher

Yet my feet found ground and my hands found hope

Pushing me out of the desert’s mouth

To stand atop a hill of mirrors

Reflecting back at me what I feared deeper than the abyss

That the cracks in ice came from me

Me alone

That the dark abyss is a friend I’ve known for many years

While the darkness seeps out of my eyes

Filling the gaps of space within the mirror

I spot a brick marked “honesty”

And I threw it as hard as I could

Shattering that image that attempted to control me

Forcing the darkness out of my eyes

Replaced with a shimmering river of gold

Illuminating that which I hold closest to my heart

Though I cannot see behind me

I hope that the fog does not remain

That you can find your way across the waters

Unhindered by the threat of what lies below