Ten Points on a Guilty Life
4 min readMar 19, 2021
- Catholicism stands at the precipice of life and death. Incentivizing a life of hope and passion for the lord above, requiring we face our heavenly relationship head on and with love. Yet the body we’ve been given is one of inherent sin and temptation. A constant plague on our very souls that we’re forced to fight against with every morsel of our body until we’re finally deemed able (though most likely unable) to enter the kingdom of heaven.
- “I thought you were the one I could trust.” The words spoken to me by my father after the first time I found myself lying to my parents out of a deep seeded fear of disappointing them, which only led to even more disappointment than initially viable. But that fear etched its way deep into the darkest corners of my mind and would not stop scratching at my chalkboard of hopes and dreams. Lying is more damaging than the sin you’ve already committed, time to add twice the dings to the guilt counter.
- “Crusades, military expeditions, beginning in the late 11th century, that were organized by western European Christians in response to centuries of Muslim wars of expansion. Their objectives were to check the spread of Islam, to retake control of the Holy Land in the eastern Mediterranean, to conquer pagan areas, and to recapture formerly Christian territories; they were seen by many of their participants as a means of redemption and expiation for sins.” ~ Encyclopedia Britannica
- “You bring that shit into our house?” The words screamed by my father at my older brother when he was found doing drugs in our home. Though not directed at me, the force of his screams would send every ounce of fluid out of my eyes and every pound of fear into my heart. Drugs are a temptation and a temptation only leads to more guilt and disappointment.
- “Where did I go wrong?” The famous words spoken by every catholic, and sometimes Jewish, mother’s as a way to reel their child in with guilt and pain. Brought to you by the Church’s incessant need to have dominion over the individuals within. Whether I got in trouble at school, didn’t do my chores, or did something really dumb at home, my mother was always in the wrong for having raised us horribly. “I have failed as a mother, i’m truly awful” are the words that bring even more broken dreams into your heart which has nearly solidified out of fear and guilt. She didn’t fail as a mother, you’ve failed as a son.
- “By [2002]’s end more than 300 of the 46,000 Catholic priests in the United States had either resigned or been removed from duty in response to claims of sexual abuse, hundreds of civil suits seeking millions of dollars in damages were pending, and more than a dozen criminal grand juries were investigating whether church leaders had violated the law by failing to report crimes committed by priests.” ~ Encyclopedia Britannica
- “Eating us out of house and home.” The words spoken to me by my mother when her friends told her I was likely smoking weed. I had promised myself and them that I would never touch the drugs, that didn’t work out. Now guilt and hatred of myself runs through my bones and is starting to boil my blood. I can’t add another tally to the guilt meter with lies, so I must tell the truth. Thankfully, the screams and pain only came from my mother this time, but I never thought they’d hurt even more than the screams of my father.
- “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” A quote from the bible (John 1:9) that demands the individual analyze every core to their being in search of faults, in search of evil. You must be aware of every action, thought, or word you’ve said because God sure as hell will remember each one. If you leave even a minor dent in your already-sin-ridden soul, you’ll never get to see those pearly gates.
- “Everything happens for a reason.” Praise the lord who guilted us these bodies of sin and souls of guilt. Praise the lord who built us a universe out of kindness and love to bring us a core being in his son that represents all values he holds dear. Praise the lord who gave us a community built upon the core idea of togetherness. Praise the lord who made us bite into that apple revealing the core of sin that is within us all. Praising the lord is what we must do, for he would never let us down.
- But fear and guilt are all that grow out of this core, love is no more. An emphasized existence of inherent sin and an impossibility to reach the hopes of the lord drag you deeper and deeper under an ocean of guild, fear, and perpetual worthlessness. You were born a sinner, and no matter what you do, you will remain a sinner. Better start the guilt counter now before it’s too late.
